I Hate My Work, How Do I Fix That?

I saw a Facebook post recently about what artists do with their work. The answer below? "I stare at it until I hate it."

It's important for me to state here that I am not an expert or guru? If I'm posting about something it is because I have struggled with it myself.

Sometimes I am still struggling with it.

I just finished a project. Got it sold. Before sending the final version to the distributor I did a final check. I could see nothing but flaws. A couple of errors were fixable, others were in the heart of the piece and I had to let go.

There is a validity to these fears, which makes it worse. I have made the mistake of reading the comment's section and IMDB reviews. I have stated before that you get trolls long before you get fans, but that doesn't make it easier. And arguing with them only makes it worse.

Yet, statistically I am a success.

It feels phony just writing that. But the truth is that no one who is goal oriented EVER feels like a success for more than a day or two

"Why aren't I successful?" is the mantra of apparently successful people everywhere.

So I'm going to turn my focus to Joy. I haven't performed in a live theater for years (even before the pandemic) because theater almost never pays well, and more importantly (in my logic) almost never went anywhere.

As if the sole purpose of art is a stepping stone to higher goals.

I must reiterate that I will still not work for free. I have found that working for free makes people forget that you have value. If I am hired I get paid.

But.

Art can't be transactional. There is a business aspect to art, but sticker price does not necessarily correlate to the value of art.

This is hard.

But a successful artist is not someone who hates making art.

Before I start my next project I have to ask the crucial question:

"Is this really what I want to make right now?"

I don't know what I'm going to do. But I do know that if I don't enjoy it, it's not worth doing.

-E