SELF SABOTAGER

I hope you don't relate to this post. But if you do, know that you are not alone.

My human brain is wired to feel safe when things don't change. It may feel bored. But it feels safe.

Recently I have been forcing myself to get through boring tasks if they lead me towards my goal (eg. A finished film). It has been going really well. I'm making progress in a consistent way and happily productive.

The rest of my life, however; is getting a lot more chaotic. Not because of lack of time or energy. No, it's gotten chaotic because I am not used to things working and my brain is freaking out. It is looking for shit to go wrong and in some cases, setting them up.

It's like I feel that I need to do something destructive to balance out the positive progress. I don't know why my subconscious is treating positive and negative as a zero sum game, but my goal right now is just to catch myself before I do it.

So, are you like me? Do you want to sabotage yourself out of a happy life?

Being human can be difficult.

I'm gonna go film a missing insert shot now. Have a fantastic day Y'all.

Edward Janis Gusts